Retreat...

Its a sea of emotions again...

Emotions that I'm familiar with, emotions my heart craves for and emotions it dreads.

Once more, I'm in a trance, split between the real and the surreal. I want to believe the rare shades of surrealism and I want those of realism to fade away...

I confront the joys that I always long for. But, there it is......the guard that holds them back, several invisible barriers that keep me from feeling what I do and expressing what I feel.

Why can't I smile back with love when he smiles at me, instead adopting a stern look of indifference and turning away...

Why can't I utter a word when I've been wanting to say so much, waiting for him to come around...

Why can't I yield when he wants to walk with me and drown in his fragrance that I attempt to recreate when I'm alone...

Several unconstructed fences hold me back, injuring me over and over again. I know they're meant to protect me. But, they cause me to behave like a different person everytime, leaving me alone in a world where people think I'm too proud to share my space.

But, they hardly know that I taste pain everytime I feel love. And, thus, I retreat into my shell when I feel like flying the most...