Wednesday, September 26, 2012

There are other worlds to sing in.....


A robin alights on a branch of a canopy a fine day. Amused by the various shades of its suburbs, it ponders day and night, how to spread its wings, how to make its nest. Quiet and sober, it hums a tune a day and spreads its aura to the sudden delight of its fellow creatures. 

It’s not too late when it starts identifying itself with the place, the shades and the creatures which all together make up a world of its own.It becomes the most sought after chirpy feathery angel with its beautiful colors and melodious charm that is contagious. But, while it is the heart of the jungle, it forgets that life plays its own games. Amidst friends and pleasant companions, there are hidden demons that are dark and dangerous. The threads of its everyday life are so intertwined in the mesh of the greens that it wipes out the memory of all lands it has visited far and near.

Just then, nature spins its wheel of fate and the robin is alarmed! It has to leave everything behind and visit another land that is now alienated. It has dearth of choices. It can’t even understand or reveal this sudden whiff that is going to change everything overnight.

Leaving her tits and bits, before dawn can make the picture vivid to all, it flies away with a heart that is both happy and sad, but too heavy for the wings to lift….

It inhabits a new branch and ponders once again that it should never forget, it is destiny’s child, and there are other worlds to sing in…..

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Lonely Wife....

Satyajit Ray’s, 'Charulatha'…. The Lonely Wife is a vivid description of a woman’s heart which is like the sparklingly clear flowing river that in its natural course can be life to the ones surrounding it. But, it conceals what it should, only to bear the weight of all such unspoken pearls on its floor, afraid of revealing them to the outer world that most often lacks the perspective to understand them. And at times, it surfaces with tides that are caused by upheavals in the heart of the river. And when the tides surmount, they can wipe out everything in its premise, fetching destruction that cannot be recalled. Charulatha is a home-bound wife, happily married to a loving husband whose first love is of course, his work. Not that he is inconsiderate or inattentive towards her but Charu’s life is devoid of the drive that makes life more than it appears to be on the surface.
She is fond of reading, embroidering and singing but is all by herself in the gigantic lavish bungalow all day, for days and months together that form the core of her life. Despite several encouragements by her husband, she is not willing to bring her writing to life, for the world to read or for anybody.
With the arrival of her husband’s younger brother as a helper in her husband’s occupations, comes that fresh whiff of air that smells of youth and chirpy adolescence. A naïve and struggling writer, Amal is also fond of his brother and sister-in-law and is a natural winner of hearts.
Charu takes good care of Amal, feeding him and domesticating his wild ways like a mother would. Unaware that her husband has cajoled Amal into convincing her for writing, she spends time with Amal, moments full of laughters, singing, adding notes to his infant write-up. She also stitches up a personalized notebook for him to write in, only on the condition that he would not send it for publication anywhere. Its only when she asks him to give a gentle push to her swing that he feels they might be going a little out of the way. But, Charu’s thoughts have already taken flight and don’t succumb to his comments.
The movie flows through with excerpts from poetic creations of Bankim Chandra and verses from melodies sung in the air. However, episodes of jealousy towards Amal’s banter with a guest lady staying at the bunglow have also been shown here and there. However, Amal is unaware of these surges going on in Charu’s heart and amidst their playful conversation, reveals that he had been asked to encourage her for writing and spend time with her, discussing literary bestsellers. Charu is furious to know this and rushes to her room, not able to come to terms with the sudden flash of divide between her surreal bliss and the harsh reality. She becomes all the more outrageous to see Amal’s publication in one of the contemporary papers and his joyful treat of ice-cream to the guest lady to celebrate his success.
Going through waves of affection, possession, envy and despise, Charu confines her annoyance and unexplainable emotions, not venting them in front of anyone. A revengeful pang in her heart causes her to start writing, which she is determined to and succeeds in getting published in the most competitive paper of the time. Flushed, she carries her publication to Amal and declares that she could write better than him but that is not what mattered to her.
Amal is stunned to read her beautiful piece and said he could never believe she was capable of writing so well. But, he is unable to reciprocate her feelings owing to guilt and hesitation. At his honest reaction, Charu’s anger subsides and she wipes off the tears that had rolled down from her cheeks to the freshly starched white linen of Amal, freeing his shoulder which she had been clutching so far to vent out everything her heart had kept locked so far.
While all is at peace and even Charu has reached a leveling line of understanding in terms of her feelings and the reality, life takes a twist. The printing press of her husband is shut down and Amal leaves the household, unwilling to be a burden on his brother who is already broken owing to prevailing circumstances.
Charu is shattered and pleads to Amal not to take any such decision, only to find in the morning that he has fled. Concealing and expressing her disgust at the same time, she asks the housekeeper to vacate the room and discard all of Amal’s belongings. She even brings back the hand-embroidered slippers she had kept as a replacement for Amal’s tattered shoes which she had initially meant to please her husband with. She reads and re-reads the note left by Amal only to find her new found basis of living gone.
Days pass by and the couple tries to sustain the normalcy in their lives. Its while sitting on the sea-shore on a silent evening, watching the drowning sun that Charu suggests to her husband that they could start a new newspaper wherein she could write a column of herself and manage a page of the otherwise political paper. He finds the idea extremely appealing as he had been overjoyed at her publication in a paper of such repute earlier.
They rush home and wasting no time, he decides to visit his friend immediately with this proposition and start off. Meanwhile, they find a letter from Amal stating that he had been doing good and was now ready to accept the marriage alliance he had been running away from so far. The alliance would open up new avenues to his writing as he could visit the foreign lands for inspiration.
While Charu’s husband is delighted at reading the letter, she is in a trance and only after he leaves the home, she sits to ponder upon it. All the pebbles which had sank to the bottom of her heart resurfaced and led to an emotional outburst. As she was crying and screaming at the loss of Amal, her husband happened to step in to pick his forgotten umbrella and was stupefied at what he heard.
He stealthily retraced his steps, mounted his cart with a heavy heart. Only to return in the evening, standing at the door, hands too heavy to knock, rather attempting to resolve the dilemma of the need of the knock. Just then, Charulatha opens the door and throws her arms open, asking him to step in…..

Thus, a woman’s heart is like a deep blue ocean with innumerable secrets and marvels that have withstood the time and the tides. They often exhibit compelling and unparalleled strength in admitting their feelings which their counterparts might not, irrespective of the fact if the society approves of them or not. And, when the threads of those corals unwind, they are no more solitary, they take into loop whoever happens to touch them, be it the diver or the dweller.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Projections !














I was standing in the balcony of my home this morning
After an early shower
Trying to talk to the breeze and listening to what it has to say..

Just then, the clock ticked,
And I turned inward.
My cell phone clicked,
And an early good morning message read:

The best feeling in life is when you realize that you are perfectly happy without the thing once you thought you needed the most.

It suddenly struck me that this is what the breeze was trying to tell me…
How apt !

We crave for human love since we are born
The first cry of a baby and the last sigh of an old man
Look for that sign of extreme love they lay their life upon
So has it been with me.

But, at this juncture
When the word has gained individual meanings
My mind is benumbed, not sure whether it still wants what it always wanted

I have won the affections of the people that surround me
But, does that really matter..
For affections change and assume new forms
Blood relations are distant and blanketed with unsaid love
Ties of emotions don’t shape up as desired
And may I call it a mirage when you experience all that you dreamt
But you do not have the power to make it true

So, I sleep on these thoughts
And walk the lanes alone
My days entailing in feelings
That I wish were less entangled

I almost happen to realize
That all the happiness we pamper ourselves with
Are towers of romantic projections
That seem beautiful till we try to erect them
And vanish once we approach them

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Some moments stolen at afb....

Silence is beautiful....though earlier it never seemed.
You feel like drowning in the moments around,
Which surround you like soft cushions
Whose texture seems to merge with the thin air.
And still, you can sense nature play its chant
The streaks of sunlight playing hide and seek
On the needle-shaped leaves of the yellow bamboo
Bamboo that seems to be painted yellow,
A hue too human to exist by itself.
And that reminds me of its secretive presence
In the green rose that glows with its silent shade.
The broken petals nested amidst the lotus leaves
The array of leaves that seem to enjoy the order
Since the day Creation crept in.
Swinging in response to the mischievous tickling breeze
But, outside lies a different world,
Which I'm constantly a part of.
The sudden cry of a raven reminds me of it.
And I long to sit here for hours to come.
Reading people as they come and go.
Living fractionally as a part of their lives
The multitude that surrounds keeps changing
And, at the end, its only me...

Sunday, May 6, 2012

A Silhouette of Desires !

Silence lies like a blanket on the darkness of my room....
I can only sense my silhouette sitting in the dark,
Cutting a shape out of the inky black velvet...
The only thing that gives a sense of life is perhaps my own breath.
And the only thing my mind can perceive is the pitter-patter of the raindrops through an open window.
Or is it the throb of my own heart, that is trying to tell a tale...
A flickering desire for someone to come,
And steal it to lands faraway !
To fill the silence with the jingle of the honey-drops
Into which all shapes melt and gain new lustre
That fades all darkness and brightness is strewn everywhere.....

Thursday, April 12, 2012

What If.....


Season comes, season goes….Change is the law of nature……once again…..Nature Ahoy !!

Like kernels scattered in the dense thickets and lonely woods,we all flourish to grow into something unique, that adds color to the canopy we proliferate into. Gradually, we become an indistinguishable part of the foliage; lustrous green, dusty brown, crimson red or vibrant yellow….camouflaging each other’s dark spots and wrinkled surfaces.

Soon it becomes home to humming birds and lover drones who invariably think the patchwork as their domicile! Unaware….that one fine day, when the wheels of fortune are set on a roll, with a gust of wind, the canopy, the shade, the shelter would be all gone. And the wandering to search a new home will once more begin !

Likewise, life is an array of valleys. We try not to get too deep, but mesmerized by its wonders, we stay longer than we resolve to. And by the time we set our hearts onto the marvels and the people around, its time to move on. 

Every junction has to be surpassed in order to reach the destination, but often, we are compelled to ponder…..what if a junction was meant to be the destination ! What if the season could last forever ! What if we could stop everything that is destined to flow from our hands like the sand in the fist.
But, change is the law of nature….and that’s how you and I met and may be at another junction, I will get down for that What If…..!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Inspiration Live...


Born as an angel on the tenth day of December, when the maple leaves were basking and shining in the glory of the balmy sun, she spreads her radiance all around, inviting smiles from whoever looks at her.
So cherubic is her countenance that one forgets about all the worries of the world on witnessing this friendly child, but, soon their smiles are turned into expressions of sympathy and pity…..
And that is when they see that although God had carved her out of His finest moulds, destiny had something else in store for her. It was during her birth that control over her nerves was lost, resulting in partial disfigurement of her limbs and mild mental retardation.
Yes, she is my first cousin who is five years younger to me and is full of life, to say the least. So unique is my emotional connect with her that despite the lack of regular communication all these years, we are unquestionably fond of each other.
This, I realized over the past two years since I have been putting up with my uncle’s family, where I get to see a splendid harmony that the members have succeeded in striking with an aim to lead a normal life.
Many names as she has, Cherry is what we call her out of love, although each one of us has different salutations that express our adoration towards her, and she responds to all of them with twinkling eyes !
If she happens to meet you once, she will never forget you and will talk about you often enquiring about your next visit.
I often become the subject of her wrath when I don’t speak to her immediately after I’ve reached home after a long day at work. But, anger is fleeting for her. So, as soon as you go near her or hold her hands and whisper in soft polite notes, she is all smiles in no time !
And if you want to please her beyond ordinary, just gift her a beautiful pen and a writing pad, or a CD of her favorite numbers or a nice story-book. That’s all she ever demands as a child.
I find it a way of expressing my gratitude to God for making difficult times easier for me here, by attributing the possibility to her presence.
There have been times when I have had a heavy heart but unable to share it with anyone, when I sit beside her for a couple of minutes, the heaviness takes a swift ride to some other lands. Its divine intervention that she enjoys the same songs that bear meaning to me, has the same taste for food, things and people and there is a parallel link in our thoughts which we can both identify with and sometimes talking through eyes is enough.
It makes me proud to have the same frequency of thoughts as hers and in the same I find solace amongst all the turbulence that surrounds me.
Educated till tenth grade in the Sophia Opportunity High School, beyond which her impairments ceased to support her in becoming one of us in this competitive world, fate decided to keep her away from malice, lest she becomes too civilized to sustain her purity and goodness. It had been a journey full of photographic memories for her where the school staff had not only been exceptionally cooperative and understanding but also provided her some of the most beautiful moments of her life like winning a race, or performing the Rainbow Dance or getting featured in the annual school magazine !
Substituting and filling for this lack of any standard training, fatherly guidance and wisdom rushed to her rescue. Her enlightenment is often astonishing as to how easily she can distinguish the good from the bad which men of sound wisdom can’t. She can comprehend and converse in almost five languages leave apart her excellent communication through gestures, expressions and body language. She is sensitive towards human pain and gets hurt by harsh words easily.
If I’m not being exaggerative, she is adept at typing and documenting data with such expertise that you might want to avail of her services now and then. Possessing an excellent grasping power, she is ever keen to learn new activities.
Painting the world fairer with her challenging survival, she is a storehouse of inspiration in the daily humdrum of my life in which we often fail to see beyond the inadequacies….

Wednesday, February 8, 2012





It’s a beautiful day…. 

 A day that heralds the onset of summer, that beacons the birds to hum over May flowers and the breeze to make them bloom… 

The winter has once again said adios, happily though, carpeting the floor for a warm welcome of the balmy summers which merrily sweeps it across like the maiden who has just trespassed the threshold of teenage. 

It proclaims its charming arrival by its boisterous waltz that is manifested through the pink flowers levitating in the air, eluding the branches of the Tabebuia trees that had proudly stood in full bloom all this while stupefying the passers-by. 

And as I walk by through the streets lined by these once-embowered trees, crimson petals gently alight on my shoulders, whispering to me, Come honey, let’s fall in love again ! :)

Monday, January 16, 2012

Unlike Me......

 Mounted on the silver sphere, clad in white, flowers intertwined in my free-flowing hair, I descend from the sky and land onto the stage that is lit up in midnight blue.
Yes, this is the moment when I await his arrival….to embrace me and waltz with me to celebrate the joy of life ! I experience sheer delight which I had always imagined. I wish to be swept off, to be carried away, releasing all that I’ve always held within.
Yes, his presence would be like ankle-bells scattered on the floor, causing melodies to resound and rise in unison, to elevate my heart like it was as light as a feather !
I am in the valley of Utopia where thousands of trumpets sing to me in the breeze or may be its my inner bliss. They penetrate every pore in my skin. A gush of ecstasy rushes through and fills me to the brim.
My arms wide open…I wish to sing like no one is listening, I wish to dance like no one is watching, say a thousand words yet uttering nothing. I wish to leap and tell the entire world that I’ve experienced the elixir of love.
I wish to lie on the wet sands and let the waves come to me, caress me, retreating back to gather their charm.
Unguarded and undaunted, I yearn to be enchanted with this feeling I never knew.
A completeness that augments my individuality, a submission that bolsters my feminine strength, an awe that unsheathes all my inhibitions.
Yes, I await it…….!

Some cheesy moments !! :)


Sunday, January 15, 2012

Retreat...

Its a sea of emotions again...
Emotions that I'm familiar with, emotions my heart craves for and emotions it dreads.
Once more, I'm in a trance, split between the real and the surreal. I want to believe the rare shades of surrealism and I want those of realism to fade away...

I confront the joys that I always long for. But, there it is......the guard that holds them back, several invisible barriers that keep me from feeling what I do and expressing what I feel.

Why can't I smile back with love when he smiles at me, instead adopting a stern look of indifference and turning away...

Why can't I utter a word when I've been wanting to say so much, waiting for him to come around...

Why can't I yield when he wants to walk with me and drown in his fragrance that I attempt to recreate when I'm alone...

Several unconstructed fences hold me back, injuring me over and over again. I know they're meant to protect me. But, they cause me to behave like a different person everytime, leaving me alone in a world where people think I'm too proud to share my space.

But, they hardly know that I taste pain everytime I feel love. And, thus, I retreat into my shell when I feel like flying the most...