Musings of a Late Night Mom!

In the darkness of night,

And the silence of the beloved ones asleep

When none but the snores of my child are like melody to my ears as he is deep in his dreams and no other force can soothe him as good as the nursing night slumber.

I am content with the motherhood phase I am passing through and I passively smile as I pour him the last glass of milk of the day.

In the background, I can hear the whistle of the train and the screeching of its wheels through the foggy winter night; which reminds me of my childhood excitement and the physics lessons that came along with it.

Today, I also hear the announcement lady calling out destination names and asking passengers to board their respective trains.

I drift through the distant noises and my mind is transported into so many different worlds at once.

Images begin to flicker in front of my eyes; people swarming the platforms, some struggling to get to their right coaches while others patiently resting on benches or on self-spread carpets as they know their journey is still far ahead.

So many desires, some anxious hearts and some excited ones must be boarding their trains to reach their homes and be with family or their beloved. Some youngsters leaving home with the ambition of a new start in a new city with the twinkle of yet to be fulfilled dreams in their eyes.

Thousands of people with hundreds of reasons, each journey being unique. And here I am, still wondering, where this journey of my life is taking me to!

As always, I have left all upon destiny as it has been the mastermind behind all that has occurred in my life. So, I would wait till the destiny unfolds and I embark upon a new journey, some new chapter of my life that I am yet to explore.

Till then, let me relish this delicious gift of God bestowed upon me, a journey that was never planned, a journey I cannot go back on and a journey I cannot be grateful enough for.

Cheers

Peace

What is peace of mind ! It is not mere calmness or superficial silence. Rather, it is the mind residing in one house and not several compartments. It is the merger between the thin airs of the mind and the soul. An amalgamation so pure that it glows with an amber hue.

The glow which dissolves in the confines of the mental space. And the soul is lit, with the feeling of warmth that dwells in its airy shape. It is afloat with the buoyancy that comes from inner peace. And worries take a retreat as bliss reigns supreme.

The gaiety is not momentary and persists within the soul. It guides you through the course of life like a jacket that keeps you from sinking into the depths and uncertainties of the world around.

They say, men have two legs, one is materialism and the other is spiritualism. If even one is impaired, we cant run the race of life. The race which is tiresome and dotted with tricky hurdles.

So, just look for the footprints, and the path to peace will follow....

From breath to life...

Loose as the sand, 

Life flows from my grip.

Seeping through the crevices, 

Percolating into grooves.

As I lay basking, numb under its coarse grains,

I feel it playing hide and seek, 

Oozing from my every pore.

Just when the out pour overwhelms me, 

And I strive to escape the rigmarole,

The hour glass is suddenly turned, 

And in flows the sand again.

Filling me with life, 

Bit by bit, grain by grain.

Patchworks of Fate

Threads fragile, Threads discolored by time,

Wasted away, scattered by the lack of human touch.

Caught in the whirlpool of destiny,

Spin along the curvature of fate.

Gaining hues, getting reunited,

Shaping up, being woven into

what seems like a patchwork unfinished,

Abandoned by the finesse of some lass.

Picked by the Craftsman, Girdled around His fingers,

Bound to His Craftsmanship, giving way to a yarn.

A yarn woven to cover the wilderness

To sheathe the nude

For all that reflects

In this man-made world

Are masks and silhouettes

Attires hiding shame

Apparels covering greed

To project only beauty

That appeals to the eye

The eye that sees the surface

And shuns what is beneath.

SHADOWS

Amidst hollow spaces

Juggles my mind quietly

Playing with my shadows

In a fleeting attempt to catch them

Valleys of solace

Deserts of mystery

Oceans of treasures

Fill those spaces

And I walk through them

A sublime feeling gushes through

Making the spaces hollow again

New valleys, new deserts, new oceans again......!

Projections !

I was standing in the balcony of my home this morning

After an early shower

Trying to talk to the breeze and listening to what it has to say..

Just then, the clock ticked,

And I turned inward.

My cell phone clicked,

And an early good morning message read:

The best feeling in life is when you realize that you are perfectly happy without the thing once you thought you needed the most.

It suddenly struck me that this is what the breeze was trying to tell me…

How apt !

We crave for human love since we are born

The first cry of a baby and the last sigh of an old man

Look for that sign of extreme love they lay their life upon

So has it been with me.

But, at this juncture

When the word has gained individual meanings

My mind is benumbed, not sure whether it still wants what it always wanted

I have won the affections of the people that surround me

But, does that really matter..

For affections change and assume new forms

Blood relations are distant and blanketed with unsaid love

Ties of emotions don’t shape up as desired

And may I call it a mirage when you experience all that you dreamt

But you do not have the power to make it true

So, I sleep on these thoughts

And walk the lanes alone

My days entailing in feelings

That I wish were less entangled

I almost happen to realize

That all the happiness we pamper ourselves with

Are towers of romantic projections

That seem beautiful till we try to erect them

And vanish once we approach them

The Canvas Of Life Has Many Shades !

The sheets have been removed, the canvas once more revealed, oils are being poured out and the mood of the artist decides which shade gets to mix with another on his palette. The strokes have no form but still define his subject. They have the power to reflect emotions, variably interpreted by the medley of viewers it attracts. Each viewer has his own story when he comes but leaves with a different one, the panorama they just witnessed having a unique impact on each one of them.
The elements in any piece of art speak volumes about the painter’s experiences, the flavors life has offered to him and his perception of the same.
On some occasions, his beautiful creation might seem too whimsical or unrealistic to others to appreciate. The ones whose aesthetic sense has been repainted by the worldly hues fail to be amused by the guileless expression of unbleached beauty.
On others, the depth and intensity that the artist attempts to convey goes unheeded by the shallow eyes of the viewer. Eyes that fail to conceive the boisterous waves of emotions hidden behind the thick layers, each layer adding a new dimension to the ones underneath.
And then there are eyes that get drowned in those colors so deep that they lose their old shades, the ones too faded to persist. This redefines the way the world appears to them and objects that seemed insignificant earlier gain meaning.
Hence, goes on the journey through lands far and wide, woods that are beautiful but lonely, icelands that are cold yet enticing, deserts that are endless and quiet, rivers that are bountiful but salty, castles that are alluring but mysterious and mountains that are rocky but august.
It’s the passer-by who cherry-picks the shades and moves on with his basket of hues leaving behind the rest for the followers to conquer, transforming the picturesque journey we all call ‘life’ !

UNDULATIONS

Relationships are like the particles of sand on a beach. They change their form and morphology with every approaching or departing wave in the sea.

The sea, which is said to have the power to engulf almost anything, and yield nothing back, is like the puppeteer, in whose hands, the strings of our relationships are firmly bound. And the fate of which depend on every movement he makes. The audience laughs when he’s cheerful and it cries when he is gloomy.

Similarly, our relations keep changing their course and ways with the incidents in life. They may crop up all of a sudden, they may last for decades without even a conscious effort, their charm may be lost despite all endeavors to sustain them and they may re-kindle when one least expects it.

We dance the dance of glee if the master Creator is so pleased and we mourn in the vanities around when He has chosen all but us as the puppets of his latest show.

We can never define our relationships as something that is constant. We may call a person our ‘best friend’ until time an tide has separated them apart so that they are hardly aware what each is living through. Not that we do not make a conscious effort to rekindle the friendship, but, the fire comes out only when there is a spark.

Another person might have been just a familiar face a few days or months back. But, in the course of time, becomes the counterpart of all that has gone past you. S/he is not only the sole witness of what you will never be able to share with anybody but is also the helping hand when you feel too feeble to lay the brick for the step you want to take ahead. S/he may hold the candle for you when you come looking for it in the dark room and may ring the bell of hope when your heart has stopped listening to it.

You wish to clutch the person’s hand forever who has eventually meant the most for you and at times the only one for you.

Still , the gambling time takes its turn and you are once again thirsty for more affection, and more attention. You direct your steps towards someone you had left way behind in the long run. You wish to make it all the same as before but the time has sped and the emotions have fled. You try to upturn the heavy-set rocks and you try to uncover all that was hid underneath. But every time you do that with a hope to find some roots intact and some leaves alive, you only get withered remains, you only get the powdered moss.

The dirty hands sometimes wonder if they should stop turning and upturning every stone. But, that is the dance the fingers dance, and that is the show the puppeteer runs !

For without show, there would be no puppets, there would be no audience. There would be no cries, there would be no smiles and hence we call this life, ‘A Life Full Of Undulations' !

A Handful Of Dreams......!!

Dreams…often we say that we should follow our dreams or rather chase them, that dreams are not those we see while sleeping but those which don’t let us sleep.

But, agreeably, they mean differently to different people…one may strive whole life to achieve his dream but may not be actually happy after achieving it, because the time span required to accomplish the dream may be long enough to change its definition and relevance in one’s life.

A student walks into a university with A Handful Of Dreams. New city, new people, new goals! He feels very timid in front of the great barriers created by this materialistic world, the unattainable boundaries and limitless heights to be soared make him tired before he can feel that he is actually flying. He starts penetrating through the small cracks and crevices, to make his way through. The competitors eye him suspiciously or rather its just his perception, an outcome of the inner fear that dwells every moment, the fear of being out competed and the fear of rejection. Still, he moves on and gathers all the courage for a small flight, small endeavors…some fruitful…some futile. But, that is the mystery and that is what tempts him, the taste of success ! One small accomplishment shapes several bigger goals.

In a span of time, he feels secure having made a place for himself, a niche of his own…where he can perform and out compete the rest. This breeds satisfaction, love and appreciation. The discovery of new ties and ties that would never last. He is so overwhelmed he hardly realizes he has left a part of his life behind. The life an ordinary man leads, the life of which one never dreams but just lives.

He is now at destiny’s call. He performs as demanded. There is no more a will, or a task he can choose or loves to perform. He has expectations to fulfill and he has standards to meet. He feels he is rushing but there is no time to stop. He feels he is being carried away but there is no way he can look back. The ties have changed their meaning, the ties that no more exist. He now reflects upon the ordinary life, pondering if it is really ordinary !

He now suffocates in the web he has created for himself. He wants to escape but is entangled in the mesh. His efforts are now mere traps that were laid by the ones who were left behind in the race. He wishes to stand out but is stuck amidst the rest.

But, he decides not to quit. He resolves to bear the heat and withstand it all the way. He silently trudges the path and comes back to his nest. The wings are now tired and it pains to flutter them. His ambitions are fulfilled but his desires are injured.

Days go by and so do months. He is no more at a receiving end, neither praise nor complains. He walks by when he comes across and so does the inner voice. But the season has changed and he doesn’t sense it. There is balm in the air and he is yet to receive it.

He once again comes back to the same place, the same people, who, are now loaded with warmth and the healing touch. There is embracement and unsaid reverence that makes him feel at ease. He is showered with blossoms, and is happy once again. The sense of accomplishment returns as he leaves and he is again ready to strive for A Handful Of Dreams…….!!

Keep aspiring and you will attain it !!

SOME THOUGHTS...

What life is……..one can never understand….just when one thinks he has understood it, life serves him right…we are merely creatures dropped from heaven to get acquainted with human sufferings and ailments…for realizing the pains that can be inflicted by other human selves….we start our journey like a colorful butterfly who has just come out of its cocoon and spread its wings….after feeding voraciously on green leaves for a long period and crawling all day in a monotonous green body, the caterpillar, unaware of the calmness and the prosperity of the color, yearns for the wonderful colors it has the potential to reflect…..but soon after, it becomes exhausted of its tiring flights and approaches the end of the journey without even realizing it.

Similarly, on the way of life, we lose the brightness of the colors we initially thought would always surround us…life seems nothing but a bubble which looks beautiful and rises high…..yet it never knows, when its existence will be nothing more than a whiff which might have been a thing of joy for others but which will never be remembered once over… the only absolute way to live life painlessly is not to expect……but to keep walking……which is virtually beyond human capacity….and hence the sorrows…the scorch of the Sun shining above a passer-by is so intense that he can’t help but be tempted by a river flowing by or a tree, which, although distant in sight has a canopy large enough to embrace him…….hence deviating him from the way of life cleverly adorning it with twists and turns…..which are like the beautiful woods leading to the devil’s cave…the riddles required to be solved to reach there being the relations which unknowingly bind him and drown him into a sea of emotions from where he can neither come out nor dive deeper for the fear of losing himself altogether… and thus, he keeps floating endlessly looking for and awaiting the destination he has long lost but doesn’t admit…

This illusion, this false hope and this madness keeps him afloat…..pushes him forward with every ripple defending him from every turbulence…..to give every chance to destiny to enact what is in store for the swimmer who was once just a passer-by, who has now learnt to swim and is satiated by the worldly whims, so nothing more can tempt him….strengthened by the relations which had initially served as mere hindrances…to see the last ray of the Sun before it sets, so that those behind him don’t stop sailing….so that a passer-by keeps stopping at the bank of the river and give it meaning by quenching his thirst….so that he keeps visiting a lonely tree to take a sigh of relief in its cool breeze…so that he keeps telling his children tales of the fairy woods and not stop them from spreading their wings of imagination for the fear of the devil’s cave….so that the caterpillar keeps feeding on the leaves which would otherwise wither away and get soiled….so that the butterfly keeps soaring high in the sky and spreading its vibrant and jubilant colors…so that we can keep watching them in ecstasy hoping we could fly one day….

This is what keeps life going….appreciate every form of it…for you might not get a second chance…at least you can say you lived one of them….!

THE ART OF DUALITY !

Love makes life beautiful
With the beauty that is skin deep
But, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder….
The eyes that sparkle,
Not with any material joy
But, with the radiance of the internal cheer
That dwells in the heart
And rushes through the soul
Trespassing every vein to manifest its flight
Not with its wings that can be clipped
But, with its spirit that is airy and shapeless.
It soars great heights…
To coalesce with the clouds,
Clouds dense and thin that travel distances far and wide
Only to shower the contained ecstasy.
That sooths innumerable hearts
Making them yearn for more…
They thin out and depart looking for thirsty hearts
And the contentment that floods them by quenching the discontent
By satiating the insatiable
With the flow of ambrosia that leads to eternal mirth

Its said that………..

The roses bloom because of the spring
But, it’s the blooming of the roses that makes spring, spring !

The butterfly looks beautiful because of the vibrant colors
But, they’re the wings that make the colors meet our eyes !

The fragrance of the flowers attracts the drones
But, it’s the visit of the drone that recognizes the locked fragrance !

The river flows with the pride that it quenches many thirsts
But, it’s the thirst that compels Creation to make the water sweet !

The oyster awaits the fall of a single drop of rain
But, it’s the shell of the oyster that harbours the pearling drop !

The blade of the grass is beautified by the dew-drop
But, it’s the tip of the blade that holds the drop to shine !

The mother loves her child and nurtures its life
But, it’s the child that bestows her with the gift of maternity !

Nature reigns till eternity
With an aura of duality
To symbolize and signify the love that resides in every heart
But, the love is lifeless until one gives it
And soul-less until one receives it !